Well Hello There!

You know – it’s funny how things change slowly and you don’t notice the change until one you look up and go “Wow, what happened to that old me?” It’s like an old friend that you think of every once in a while. You miss that friend, you see their image in your mind, but it gets foggy as time goes by. Something brought me by today, brought me back to the blogs I’d read. I peeked in at a few, not enough to catch up, but enough to realize that I’m in a familiar place that I missed. Then I peeked in here. Oops. Last post, November. And a lot has changed since then. Yet, this feels like coming home.

I’m not sure how it faded. I stopped having these “great ideas” that seemed worthy of having a blog post. I lost my inspiration. Maybe I just got comfortable with where I was. I’ve got my baby – and she rocks. But maybe I’m not pushing my own edges because she makes me so happy I don’t need anything. (You do baby.) I stopped going to the local munches because really – they did nothing for me. And seriously – the change in bus schedule (which happened in October so that could be an issue!) making me leave anything on the weeknights by 8 p.m. – that made a huge difference. I’m a member of two different local LGBT groups but have yet to actually DO anything. Because of the bus. And they do fun things! So there goes my kink side and meeting other local women.

And yes, my writing kind of dried up. Not that the characters aren’t there. I’ve got my story to finish, and I’ve got this sexy gypsy witch in a covered wagon who will pair up with a biker babe in an urban fantasy setting. Oh a cop who’s got a bit of an addiction with anonymous sex that has made things a tad hot for her on the job. See! But I’m not writing. Maybe it’s that I’m such a multi-tasker and I need tasks to multi in. It got busy at work so I really had no down-time to anything. Which was a good thing. Until I got laid off. Yep, got laid off December 15th. Merry Christmas. So I’ve got all this free time. And still not writing. Although I hand-wrote out part of a story during a seminar I went to. See, I need to attend more boring things like that. Then I’d write more.

So – nothing exciting. No crazy angst to share – unless you want to hear about my daughter. No, probably best not to go there. She’s 21. She acts 12. She has one 2 year old and a kid on the way. Ugh. That is more than you all wanted to know I’m sure. I’m playing more D&D!! And it was very amusing to try and explain that to my baby over the phone. I could hear her eyes glossing over. But she does listen. And then tells me – you can stop anytime now. God I love her.

I could tell you lots about her. I know I try and remember to tell HER how much she means to me. She makes me smile is just the tip of the iceberg. Really, this is the first time I’ve had someone truly want good things for me. Someone who wants to support me and help me. Who worries about me. And that is counting friends in too. And family. I’m not that close to the family I have left. I mean, I am to my dad. But he’s one of those non-verbal kind of guys. We don’t talk much. My daughter I’ve already explained, although when she was younger we were close. I don’t have girlfriends that I call up and chat with. Not that I don’t have girlfriends – I’ve discovered some really great friends through twitter. People that do care. But we still don’t do that chatting on the phone, how are things, you make me smile kind of stuff. Even the fact that I have friends is awesome. Not to sound pathetic – but I don’t have that locally. Oh I have people I like, that when I spend time with I have a great time. But people that go out of their way to spend time with me or text and call me? Not so much. Could be the not having transportation thing. Hard to be impulsive. I’m kind of used to it though.

But my baby makes up for all that. I smile when I think about her at odd times of the day. (No dear, I didn’t say when I was odd at times in the day.) She finds me quirky and a LOT outside of her comfort zone. And she is soooo anal sometimes it takes me outside of my comfort zone. But somehow it works. And I love her very much because of it. And now I’m rambling. But hey, I caught you up on my life! But she obviously deserves her own post so I’ll have to think about that.

I’m not promising I’ll be back to “regular” updates. But I’ll try to get some writing done. I’ve got the time. Maybe I need to get my novel written. But either way – I haven’t forgotten you all. I’m still around. Just quiet. I’m trying to hop on twitter once in a while. And you can find me on facebook. If you REALLY want to find me – send me a message. I’m on my “vanilla” facebook more often than anywhere and I’ll be happy to add you. *hugs to all my lesbian friends* because yesterday was hug a lesbian day! And I really didn’t feel comfortable walking up to all the cute possibles at Border’s and saying “Hi, are you a lesbian? I’m looking for one to hug!” But I had a great time thinking up all the lines that could be used to get hugs from cute lesbians!